Things They Don

We bought a new house last year; finally moving out of the congested city and back into the country.   My wife and I are both country kids, so working in the dirt, digging, planting, composting, and eating stuff we grow is fun.   20 years ago, we moved to the edge of Katy, TX.   There was 1 fast food restaurant and 1 Walmart.   Now, all the trees are gone, HEB, Best Buy, Applebees, LA Fitness, Kroger, a half dozen gas stations, mattress stores, Burger King, Dairy Queen, Hartz Chicken, & Palais Royal were all a 5 minute walk from my house.   The traffic jams were horrendous!

About 15 years ago, we saw this coming and bought 40 acres in Missouri; out in the middle of nowhere, right next door to nothing.   I figured in 20-30 years, there would be a Walmart nearby and thats all we would need in life.   But, ohhh, there’s something they don’t teach you in high school!

When I bought the land in Missouri, I had no idea that so many of the residents were “disabled.”   It seems that you can go to Missouri, develop a mental or physical ailment, be classified by a doctor as disabled, and live off the taxpayers—early retirement, plus medical!

Now I wonder how the Missouri government pays for all that?   Hmmm?   Well, not only do they have a state income tax, they also have a property tax, AND a personal property tax.   I very quickly learned that Missouri is not where I want to live.   I would immediately take a HUGE pay cut because of all the welfare/disabled folks I would be supporting.

So now the Missouri property is up for sale.   Wished I had learned about researching state taxes in high school BEFORE I bought the property.   The only benefit is that I have met some really hard working, good natured folks in Missouri.   Too bad they have to work so hard to pay for the other folks.

Fortunately, Texas doesn’t tax its citizens to death, so that is where we will stay.   And the added benefit of being out in the country is fantastic.   We have tomatos, peppers, figs (the Celeste version is the best); OMG, the figs are to die for!   Plus growing some hard to grow stuff like an Australian Eucalyptus tree (supposed to grow 6 feet a year and smell like… well.. eucalyptus).   My wife is composting, and we’re going all natural on fertilize and pesticides.

So here’s another thing they don’t teach: sod!   We moved into this house, and its expected that you landscape.   $8,ooo later, we have an irrigation system and Palmetto St Augustine (engineered for this area).   The summers here are hot!   And the $8,000 lawn requires a lot of water.   So our benevolent water company increased their rates 84%.   Because of the water company, we learned quickly about the wild grasses and wild flowers that don’t need much water.

For example, just down the road from us is a lot full of gorgeous Texas Blue Bells.   These are amazing plants (I hate to see the development mowers come each year and mow them down).   We’re in the middle of a drought (no rain for 35 days), and these flowers are bright, huge, and vibrant.   Fantastic!

What did we learn from all this?   We learned not to buy into the standard rhetoric about where to live and how to live.   Stay away from states that tax you.   Don’t plant grasses and flowers that require a lot of water and fertilize.   Avoid water companies (drill your own if you can). Buffalo grass is the natural grass that God planted here, needs very little water, and our wildflowers look fantastic from spring to fall.   Check out these folks:

http://www.wildseedfarms.com/

Two more tidbits:   fireants and black widows.   If you’ve never been stung by fireants, count your blessings!   These aggressive little spawns of Satan deliver a nasty sting that blisters and itches for days.   You can poison the crap out of them, but I guarantee you, they’ll be back.

We also have black widows out here; huge black widows.   These things can deliver a nasty bite that will land you in the hospital, or could even land you 6 feet under (unless you’re a member of Alcor).

I don’t want to use poison out here to kill all my friendly varmints, so I came up with a great way to get rid of both fireants and black widows.   Its called a blow torch.

If you do anything to a fireant mound (pour vinegar on it, water, gas, whatever), they will be back.   But what if you killed the queen and her eggs?   Ah Ha!   So when I find a fireant mound, I carry a garden trowel and a blowtorch.   The moment you touch the mound, 10,000 ants swarm out to sting you to death.   But, I deliver the fire right back and turn them into toast with the blowtouch.   Digging and burning at the same time, I finally reach the queen and her eggs.   Once they’ve been barbequed, the game is over, the mound is dead.   All natural pesticide, with zero environmental impact!

I do the same thing with black widows; hunt down their hiding spots, and roast them.   Can’t have kids accidentally finding these lethal devils.

Oh, almost forgot the armadillo.   This is a destructive juggernaut!   An armor plated digging machine, it is making swiss cheese out of my yard and plants.   Nothing stops it or deters it.   And when struck with a shovel (I would never do this.   I’ve just heard stories), it is amazingly fast, and can outrun a human.   I am in the process of trying to trap them before they dig under my house and disrupt the foundation.   If anyone has any thoughts, please share.